Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Latch-Key Kids Accepted to 24 Hours of LeMons

The Chia Neon survived the last mid-west LeMons at Nelson Ledges and the 2010 season is now underway. The Latch-Key Kids have been accepted into the 24 Hours of LeMons American Irony at Gingerman April 17-18. To get into these things you need to tell Jay Lamm and his crew why you deserve to be on the grid. Our entry inside.


The GingerMan Run (plagiarized by Isaac Rife)

Once upon a time there was a organizer named Jay and a little crew of BS Judges, and they lived all alone in a little old house. They hadn't any racecars or any races, at all. So one day, the little organizer made a race out of crappy cars; he made the race a 24 hour endurance one, and put $500 limit in it for the cars; he made it exclusive by asking for themes, silly themes; and a top award for racing the silliest of cars; and he gave away several bags of nickels to the winners. When the little old organizer rolled it out, and dressed it up, and organized it for a track called Gingerman, he put out the call for teams on his site; then waited while the entrys came in; and she thought, "Now I shall have a little race of my own."
When it was time for the Gingerman Race to begin he called for the green flag, and out jumped the little Chia-Neon of the latchkey kids, and away they ran, out of the door and down the street! The little organizer and the little BS judges ran after them as fast as they could, but the Neon just laughed, and shouted,--
"Run! run! as fast as you can!
"You can't catch me, I'm gonna win GingerMan!"
And they couldn't catch him.
The little ChiaNeon drove on and on, until he came to a cow themed BMW, by the roadside. "Stop, little Chia-Neon," said the cow BMW; "I want to pass you." The little Chia-Neon laughed, and said,--
"I have run away from a little event organizer,
"And BS judges,
"And I can run away from you, I can!"
And, as the cow BMW chased him, he looked over his shoulder and cried,--
"Run! run! as fast as you can!
"You can't catch me, I'm gonna win GingerMan!"
And the cow BMW couldn't catch him.
The little Chia-Neon ran on, and on, and on, till he came to a horse themed Mustang, in the pasture. "Please stop, little Chia-neon," said the Mustang, "you look very good to pass." But the little Chia-neon laughed out loud. "Oho! oho!" he said,--
"I have run away from a little event organizer,
"A little BS Judge,
"A cow BMW,
"And I can run away from you, I can!"
And, as the Mustang chased him, he looked over his shoulder and cried,--
"Run! run! as fast as you can!
"You can't catch me, I'm the gonna win GingerMan!"
And the Mustang couldn't catch him.
By and by the little Chia-Neon came to a barn find Thunderbird. When the thunderbird saw the Chia-Neon, they tried to run him off the track, and said, "Don't drive so fast, little Chia-Neon; you look very good to pass." But the little Chia-Neon drove harder than ever, and as he drove he cried out,--
"I have drove away from a little event organizer,
"A little BS Judge,
"A cow BMW,
"A Mustang,
"And I can pull away from you, I can!"
And when he found that he was ahead of the Thunderbird, he turned and shouted back to them,--
"Run! run! as fast as you can!
"You can't catch me, I'm gonna win GingerMan!"
And the Thunderbird couldn't catch him.
Then the little Chia-neon drove faster than ever. He drove and drove until he came to a field full of Mopar cars. When the Mopars saw how fine he looked, they ran after him, calling out, "Wait a bit! wait a bit, little Chia-Neon, we wish to pass you!" But the little Chia-neon laughed harder than ever, and drove like the wind. "Oho! oho!" he said,--
"I have run away from a little event organizer,
"A little BS Judge,
"A cow BMW,
"A Mustang,
"A barn find thunderbird,
"And I can run away from you, I can!"
And when he found that he was ahead of the Mopars, he turned and shouted back to them,--
"Run! run! as fast as you can!
"You can't catch me, I'm gonna win GingerMan!"
And the Mopars couldn't catch him.
By this time the Latchkey kids were was so proud of the Chia-Neon that they didn't think anybody could catch them. Pretty soon they saw a flagger coming across a field. The flagger looked at the Neon and began to run. But the little Chia-Neon shouted across to him, "You can't catch me!" The flagger began to run faster, and the little Chia-Neon drove faster, and as he drove he chuckled,--
"I have run away from a little event organizer,
"A team of BS Judges,
"A cow BMW,
"A Mustang,
"A barn find thunderbird,
"A field full of Mopars,
"And I can pull away from you, I can!
"Run! run! as fast as you can!
"You can't catch me, I'm gonna win GingerMan!"
"Why," said the flagger, "I would not catch you if I could. I would not think of disturbing you."
Just then, the little Chia-Neon came to a yellow flag. He needed gas, and he wanted to keep running away from the cow BMW and the Mustang and the people.
"Come on in, and I will keep the course yellow," said the flagger.
So the little Chia-Neon drove down pit lane, and the flagger kept the yellow out. When he was a little way down the lane he turned his head, and said, "There isn't enough room in pit lane, little Chia-Neon, I fear I shall let you get wrecked; come on over to the paddock."
The little Chia-Neon drove into the paddock.
A little farther out, the flagger said, "I am afraid there is no room in the paddock, there; come over towards the tech shed."
The little Chia-Neon drove over towards the Tech shed.
On the way to the tech shed the flagger said, "Oh, dear! little Chia-Neon, this area too is full; head over towards the penalty box, there is room to fuel up there."
So the little Chia-neon headed over towards the penalty box.
The minute the flagger got them into the penalty box, he gave out a shout, and snap!
"Dear me! It's a trap!" said the little Chia-Neon, "This is the time for the People's Curse!" The next minute he said, "Why, I am half gone!" The next minute he said, "My goodness gracious, I am three quarters gone!"
And after that, the little Chia-Neon never said anything more at all.

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